so begins a new journey.

Dear God,

 

This season has been strenuous and devastating, filled with unexpected twists and turns that have brought me to the deepest of sorrows.

I have sat among my own thoughts and analyzations until they have consumed me, have stared death in the eye with both opposition and a subtle longing for relief, and am currently facing one of my biggest fears: letting go of any and all security that lies outside of you, and falling into the unexpected with blind trust and open palms.

In the midst of it all — despite every hard conversation, panic attack, tear-filled nights and breakdowns in the office of my favorite professor, I have rediscovered you as the source of all things. After analyzing, debating, and rationalizing every possible outlet, I have accepted the process of allowing you to become my peace and secure frame, trusting that you will provide even when I doubt you.

You are the peace to my anxious thoughts. You are the warm embrace when I am laying in my bed with tears streaming down my face, wishing that I could fix everything that went wrong. You still my mind and remind me to breathe. You are central to the awe and wonder of learning something new. You have provided for me in moments when I thought that I was going to fail. And because of these things, I’m forming a pillar of remembrance to honor your faithfulness and true character.

Here in this moment, I’m choosing to trust you again.

I don’t really know what you have in store for me next, but the grand adventure awaits, and each grand adventure must begin with freedom. Here’s to finding freedom in trusting God.